The Week 1 Run Down

Yes, it is finally here! The MMV Season kicks off into high gear with 5 straight days of college grid iron action. The season kicks off in the sweltering heat of Houston at 6PM Central on the Duece, followed quickly by the Visor's re-debut down in Carolina. From there, the action only gets better as Utah tries to pick up where it left off with a home opener against Zona on Friday, then Saturday you get MAC front runner Bowling Green taking on the Badgers, followed by the blue turf Broncos traveling down to Georgia for a doozy of a tussle, and then a night cap of Notre Dame and Pittsburg on ABC. The action picks up again on Sunday with the Hokies taking on the Wolfpack in part 1 of an eventful ACC opening weekend --part 2 being the crowning game of pigskin weekend uno: Miami-Florida State on Monday Nite.




The Week 1 Schedule

Sep. 1 Thu UCF @ South Carolina (-18.5) 6:30 P ESPN
Sep. 1 Thu Oregon @ Houston (+8.5) 6:00 P ESPN2
Sep. 1 Thu Minnesota @ Tulsa (+15) 9:15 P ESPN2

Sep. 2 Fri Arizona @ Utah (-8) 7:00 P ESPN

Sep. 3 Sat TCU @ Oklahoma (-27) 11:00 A ABC
Sep. 3 Sat Miami (OH) @ Ohio State (-15.5) 11:00 A ABC*
Sep. 3 Sat Bowling Green @ Wisconsin (-4) 11:00 A ESPN
Sep. 3 Sat Rutgers @ Illinois (-1.5) 11:00 A ESPN2
Sep. 3 Sat Boston College @ BYU (+4) 2:30 p ABC*
Sep. 3 Sat Northern Illinois @ Michigan (-18) 2:30 p ABC*
Sep. 3 Sat Air Force vs. Washington (-2.5) 2:30 p ABC*
Sep. 3 Sat Colorado State @ Colorado (-8) 2:30 p TBS
Sep. 3 Sat Boise State @ Georgia (-7) 4:30 P ESPN
Sep. 3 Sat Southern California @ Hawaii 6:00 P ESPN2
Sep. 3 Sat UL-Lafayette @ Texas (-39.5) 6:00 P FSN
Sep. 3 Sat Texas A&M @ Clemson (+1) 7:00 P ABC
Sep. 3 Sat Notre Dame @ Pittsburgh (-3.5) 7:00 P ABC*
Sep. 3 Sat GA Tech @ Auburn (-7) 7:45 P ESPN
Sep. 3 Sat UCLA @ San Diego State (+7.5) 9:15 P ESPN2

Sep. 4 Sun West Virginia @ Syracuse (-1) 12:30 P ABC
Sep. 4 Sun Louisville @ Kentucky (+22) 2:30 P ESPN
Sep. 4 Sun Tulane @ Southern Miss (-10.5) 3:00 P ESPN2
Sep. 4 Sun VA Tech @ NC State (+5.5) 6:15 P ESPN2

Sep. 5 Mon UNLV @ New Mexico (-14) 12:00 P ESPN2
Sep. 5 Mon Ole Miss @ Memphis (-2.5) 3:30 P ESPN
Sep. 5 Mon Miami @ Florida State (-3) 7:00 P ABC




The Week 1 Run Down


Sep. 1 Thu UCF @ South Carolina (-18.5) 6:30 P ESPN
Steve Spurrier makes his NCAA comeback debut in Columbia against the Golden Knights (who are still led by one-time Irish Coach George O’Leary). In his first season back in the SEC, don’t expect much out of these Cocks; however, with the Knights coming into this one riding an oh-fer streak out of Oh-Fo’, DO expect the Visor to notch a dubbya in his first game. Given the offseason the Gamecocks have had (no less than a half dozen players either left or were dismissed from the team), you just know these guys are ready to get out on that gridiron and vent a little frustration. Oh, and don’t think for a minute that Spurrier learned any real humility in his disastrous coaching stint in the NFL.
Gamecocks peck the spread to bits.


Sep. 1 Thu Oregon @ Houston (+8.5) 6:00 P ESPN2
The second game of the season is actually the first, but The Visor’s return is getting all the pub these days so who am I to buck the trend? In this one, Belotti’s underachieving Ducks travel down to Houston to tussle with the Cougars. Art Briles’ crew, while regressing a bit last season, sport a potent pass attack with returning gunslinger Kevin Kolb who should have no problem airing it out against what looks to be yet another average Ducky-D. On the other side of the ball, the Ducks new offense coordinator (Gary Crowton from BYU) has installed a spread offense to make better use of QB Kellen Clemens. His arm and the feet of WR Demetrius Williams should keep the Cougar defense on its heels –and open up all kinds of running room for Terrance Whitehead. Yep, that’s right: Whitehead. In this one, not only will the Pigskin Year get kicked off, but we’ll also get to see if the Deuce Crew can hit the season running with their usual level of commentary excellence –ie, just how many “Oh, Whitehead just got popped!” comments do you think they can dish out?
Ducks, straight up.


Sep. 2 Fri Arizona @ Utah (-8) 7:00 P ESPN
As of right now, this is the lone fare on the Friday menu (unless you count Division II –which I don’t), but what it may lack in quantity it ought to make up for in quality and intrigue. The Ute’s are one year removed from that BCS Bustin’ showing of yester-year, but have an almost entirely rebuilt coaching staff along with a new man under center. Gone is uber-guru Urban Meyer, the Ute Offensive Coordinator, and first overall draft pick Alex Smith –not to mention their leading rusher (Marty Johnson), and their top two receivers. With that many loses, how can they possibly keep from having a big let down year? Enter Oregon’s Andy Ludwig at O-coordinator, Brain Johnson under center, and rock sledder Quinton Ganther (widely considered one of the top backs in the Mountain West). On defense, the Ute’s should be fine with starters coming back at all positions except linebacker. For ‘Zona, this marks year number two under the Stoops Brothers (Mike is head coach and Mark is defensive coordinator). Now while the Wildcats may have turned a serious corner on defense, they are a long ways from good on offense (ranked 116th in the nation last year). With only 5 returning starters from last year’s unit look for speed and youth to markedly improve these Desert Cats O. But even at that, it will still be this offense that keeps AU from having an above sea level record and reaching Bowl Nirvana. In this one, the diamond in the rough is the Cat D lining up against the Ute O: how this battle goes will be a harbinger for both teams this season. MHO: The Cats D will be a lot faster and nastier than Utah is expecting and inserting new guys at all major skill positions on offense will prove trickier than Utah thinks. Despite that, Utah should be able to pull away in the second half as their roster is just too deep for ‘Zona to keep up with. Sorry Stoopsie Twins.
Utah plus the spread.


Sep. 3 Sat TCU @ Oklahoma (-27) 11:00 A ABC
Will the Sooners make a statement in week one that last season’s Trojan hangover is but a distant memory, or will the inexperienced D get exposed against a strong Horny Frog? The Sooners lost 24 lettermen (including 7 starters on defense), but have all world back Adrian Peterson ready to sled with the rock. But this just in, Senior Paul Thompson has been named the Sooner starting QB over Super Prep Freshman Rhett Bomar –this has got to worry Sooner fans a little bit as Bomar was expected to run away with the job at the start of the spring drills. Regardless of who is under center though, expect the Sooners to go yard all day long against an overwhelmed Horned Frog secondary. The Frogs should be able to provide a good early season test for the inexperienced Sooner D as QB Tye Gunn’slinger’ is a legitimate threat against any defense, especially with the Mountain West’s best 1-2 punch in RBs Robert Merrill and Lonta Hobbs to keep the heat off him. Despite that, the Froggers just don’t have the meat up front or the team speed keep AP bottled up and in the backfield for four quarters.
Oklahoma by a mile –that’s more than 27, right?


Sep. 3 Sat Miami (OH) @ Ohio State (-15.5) 11:00A ABC*
The Redbirds field one of the most experienced MAC teams this season behind Josh Betts, a monster receiving crew and a solid and stable O-line. On defense, the secondary will be the weak link as the front seven are all returning starters that could provide headaches for OSU if they aren’t settled into their schemes right from the starting gun. The Buckeye’s feature a talent laden team that returns 9 starters on both sides of the ball including perhaps the nation’s best linebacking crew. Ted Ginn Jr will figure to be included in nearly every way imaginable (go ahead and count the number of times the commentators say “Give it to him ‘Ginn, and ‘Ginn, and ‘Ginn” –I dare you), but with Justin Zwick under center for Week 1 (Troy Smith is serving a one game suspension for taking illicit ‘donations’ while ‘working’ …hmmm) expect the Buckeye O to stop, start, cough and sputter throughout the game. This one is full of upset potential: (1) it’s in the ‘Shoe where OSU loves to play Tressel Ball (meaning: let me beat you in the 4th quarter with a field goal); (2) Mike Nugent the Savior has graduated and left the building, (3) OSU may just be looking ahead to next week’s showdown with Texas; and (4) the MAC will knock off a Big10 team this season –and this could be it? …but only if the Redbirds can add the spread to their final score.
Buckeye’s straight up.


Sep. 3 Sat Bowling Green @ Wisconsin (-4) 11:00 A ESPN
Last season, the Mean Green Falceen lost out to Toledo in an aerial shootout, ‘yet again’ missing out on the MAC Championship (talk about always the bridesmaid…). After their usual letdown, they responded by routing Memphis in the GMAC Bowl and have since declared this season a success if and only if they can capture that elusive conference crown (um, isn’t that on everyone’s goal list?). For the Badgers, last season started off well enough but turned ugly early with their main hoss Anthony Davis going down and their offense subsequently stuck in neutral for, well, the entire season. In ‘05, they’ve brought in Paul Chryst from Oregon State to spiffy up the pass attack and mold a real passing QB out of John Stucco. On the defensive side of the ball the Badgers will have to replace every single one beef eater on the defensive line (each found a hefty meal ticket with the NFL on draft day). Even so, don’t expect Wisconsin to call it a ‘rebuilding year’ or stop doing the almighty 4th Quarter Jump Around. While Bowling Green is more than ‘just’ capable of making the upset here (in fact, I’m surprised the line isn’t a pick’em), this IS Camp Randall and this IS a Barry Alvarez team (have you ever noticed that his guys just don’t ever rollover –or win pretty for that matter?).
Badgers by a …well, nose although I’m not sure exactly how big a Badger’s nose is.


Sep. 3 Sat Colorado State @ Colorado (-8) 2:30 p TBS
Last season the Rams top 4 tacklers on defense were their four starting DBs –that just ain’t good. This year, the front seven will have to step up if the Rams are to climb above 500 and get into Bowl Season. The Buffs, meanwhile, are looking to replace 12 year veteran RB Bobby Purify with senior Lawrence Vickers –the only trouble is that was the plan in each of the previous 3 seasons when Bobby went down with an injury. On defense, the Buffs are run stuffers but haven’t been able to put up much flak to stop anyone’s passing game. For C-State to capitalize, Justin Hollard will have to play error free while finding speedster David Anderson with the long ball. If the Buffs can feast on the Rams’ defense with their tight ends (Klopfenstein and Sypniewski –yeah, try saying those names 5 times fast) this should be a shoe-in for Barnett. Eh, and even it’s not, you can still take heart in knowing you’ll be watching two tight ends that will be making the big bucks in the Pro’s next year (barring injury).
Buffaloes and I’ll even give you the points.


Sep. 3 Sat Boise State @ Georgia (-7) 4:30 P ESPN
After years of hemming and hawing about not being taken seriously, the Blue Turf Bronco’s from Boise finally get their shot at some BCS Big Boys. Last season was supposed to be a ‘rebuilding year’ if you believe the Idaho Hype –and all they did was go a measly 11-1, losing to Louisville 44-40 in a wild Liberty Bowl of the ages (who can forget that game!?!). This year, 8 starters return on O and D highlighted by QB Jared Zebransky (yeah, you know his name). While everyone may think the Dawgs in Athens are a shoe-in against a mere WAC team, don’t take these Broncos so lightly. Personally, I think 7 is too many points to give this powerhouse team. True, Georgia’s D should be every bit as good as last year’s (even without Mr. Universe, David Pollack) but it’s the Georgia O that has me concerned. They didn’t exactly light up the conference last season with David Greene under center (despite the fact that he now owns the record for most wins by ANYONE in Division 1A). This season they get DJ Shockley –a stud hoss of a run/pass quarterback—but it could also take a while to get him comfortable and relaxed. Plus, they’ve lost their starting WR tandem of Reggie Brown and Fred Gibson to the NFL and they’d better look out cause these Buckin’ Bronco’s are run stuffers (an especially dangerous thing for Georgia in week number one). In what should be the MOST EXCITING MATCHUP of the week, I just can’t get this image out of my head: 50 dancing Bronco’s on the green grass in Athens with the clock ticking down to all balls.
Blue Turf by an incredible, unbelievable 4th quarter slug fest they didn’t know they had in them.


Sep. 3 Sat UL-Lafayette @ Texas (-39.5) 6:00 P FSN
The Longhorns kick off the season facing a downright dangerous Ragin’ Cajun squad –well, okay, maybe this is one of the most lopsided looking matchups in week 1 (well, at least one of the most lopsided televised matchups –Tech’s pasting of Florida International really should take the cake). To wit: the Cajun QB Jerry Barr was not only their leading passer but also their leading rusher. For Texas, look for Vince Young to sit in the pocket more than he’d like and try to fool the Buckeye’s into thinking he’s a major threat with his arm (hint to Mack: they ain’t buying it). Also look for Texas to really work the ground game in this one, tuning up for that trip to Columbus the following week. On Defense, if you’re an Orangeblood, the thing to watch will be the linebacking crew –who will step up in the OLB slot? This game certainly won’t be pretty and definitely won’t be interesting, unless you’re a Texas fan.
Texas and the points, but golly gee that’s a lot of points.


Sep. 3 Sat Texas A&M @ Clemson (+1) 7:00 P ABC
With Charlie Whitehurst still sitting under center, don’t expect the Tigers to muster much against the Aggie D. The Wrecking Crew –and I’m gonna have to use that term somewhat loosely still— have yet to return to their glory days of old; however, they are a tenacious, hard hitting unit that should prove more than capable of shutting down Clemson (really, the only things this unit lacks are quality corners and top notch speed). The Aggie offense is largely a question mark going into this season: Who will step up in the receiving corps, can Courtney Lewis stay healthy and be a feature back all season, and does Reggie McNeal still have the mental toughness to carry his entire offense for one more season? My guesses: Taylor and Mobley have been drooling for about 8 months; No but Freshman Samson Taylor should be able to carry more than just some of that load; Yes –Mr. McNeal is ready to do whatever it takes to win ball games.
Aggies by more than a measly point.


Sep. 3 Sat Notre Dame @ Pittsburgh (-3.5) 7:00 P ABC*
Will Weis have Brady Quinn prepped and primed? Will Wannstedt have his Panther D riled up and ready to rip apart the Irish O? Will both squads be ready? Heck, I sure hope so. This one is my pick for MOST INTRIGUING GAME OF THE WEEK –so of course it figures that we won’t be able to watch it down in Houston (I’m about 95% certain we’ll get the Aggie game instead). How’s this for offensive fireworks: QB Tyler Palko and WR Greg Lee for the Panthers and QB Brady Quinn and WRs McKnight and Stovall for the Golden Domers staging prison break offenses. Yeah, Pitt was a bit soft last season and ND wasn’t exactly what you’d call effective defending the pass, but this year isn’t ‘04. Pitt’s now got Dave Wannstedt’n all over their butts and the Irish have a lot more experience after the shelling they received all season long last year. Ya know, the more I read the pub on this Panther team, the more excited I get. Yeah, yeah I’m thinking the Irish are going to be loads better than their record this year (cheesh, they’ve got a helluva tough schedule), but I just can’t wait to see what Wani does with those young hosses on the Panther D, especially with an offense potent enough to allow him to gamble and not regret it. Choosing a winner is ridiculously difficult in this one, it really should be no line, but when it’s a) the first game of the season, b) a tremendously huge game, and 3) a game where both teams are breaking in new head coaches, the house cheat sheet says the game goes to he who wins the special teams battle and that, Sportzfanz, ought to be Pittsburgh.
Pitt –and it’s only with the points if they snag a touch in the waning moments to come from 2 or 3 down for the dubbya.


Sep. 3 Sat GA Tech @ Auburn (-7) 7:45 P ESPN
So how will the War Eagle hold up after the entire Auburn backfield was drafted with the first 5 picks? A: Pretty darn well with Brandon Cox under center and a trio of studs to pick up the slack left by Williams and Brown. On defense, the Tigers should play lights out as the front seven should keep even the mighty Tennessee O from cracking much beyond the century mark on the ground. Chan Gailey leads the Jackets in his fourth tour as head coach (has it really been that long already?). In those four years, the Chan Man has established what could very easily be he scariest defense this side of NC State in the ACC. The front four are the anchor of this unit with each man having a back up ready to be the starter on 95% of the other NCAA teams. With all that defense, it’ll be fun to see if Auburn can really get the O chugging. If not, expect it to be a long day as the Yellow Jackets boast one of the best receiver’s you’ve never heard of in Calvin Johnson should be able to wrangle free from an inexperienced Auburn backfield.
War Eagle by at least a touch.


Sep. 4 Sun West Virginia @ Syracuse (-1) 12:30 P ABC
The Mountaineers should field their ever impressive array of worm burners this season –especially with the entire offensive line returning, but the remainder of their offensive unit will be manned by young and inexperienced players. On D, WVa has to find a way to replace Pac Man in the secondary and get solid play out of their young linebackers. If they can do that then the Mountaineers should be challenging for the BEast Crown once again. For Syracuse, it’s Greg Robinson’s first game as a head coach and he’ll have his work cut out for him. First there’s the O which was nothing short of abysmal last season. With a new West Coast Offense, expect more production out of the unit but don’t expect that to necessarily mean more points on the board. The Defense was ranked 101st last season, but all 11 starters are returning and Robi is a defensive guru. Expect this unit to be vastly improved and challenge WVa for four full quarters. In the end though, I’m betting the lack of speed and talent on offense will keep Cuse from getting enough points on the board.
Mountaineers plus a few.


Sep. 4 Sun Louisville @ Kentucky (+22) 2:30 P ESPN
Despite the fact that Stefan Lefors did indeed leave for the NFL, Brian Brohm will be taking over his starting spot –and he’s even better than Stefan. While the Defense was busy being overshadowed by the offense last season, if did manage to finish the year 15th in the nation overall and 18th against the rush. While these years D probably won’t be quite as good as last, it should prove more than a match for a woeful Kentucky program. For those of you who can’t sit down and watch Pigskin all day, this would be one you’d be well advised to pass up.
Cardinals plus the spread.


Sep. 4 Sun VA Tech @ NC State (+5.5) 6:15 P ESPN2
The Wolfpack boasted the #1 ranked unit the nation last season, often holding opponents to fewer yards than points (thanks mostly to a horribly turnover prone offense). This season, the front four return and the back seven while not all returning should be just as good as last season –come October. It will take a little time for the newbie’s to get a little air time under their belt, but what better way to get ready than to face the Hokies and Marcus Vick? The Hokies are the darling of the off season this year (even more so than Ohio State, Texas, or dare I say USC). The nagging thing to me is that all this hype is dependant on one thing: Marcus Vick. If he lives up to the hype then they say Va Tech is a shoe-in for the conference crown. Me, I don’t believe it –one man does not a team make (maybe for one game, but not for an entire season). I expect to see Vick a little rusty and unsettled in the backfield while the Wolfpack front four marauder their way through the Hokie line. On Defense, the Hokies are no slouches, but should have more trouble than NC State replacing the departed seniors.
Wolfpack even without the spread.


Sep. 5 Mon Miami @ Florida State (-3) 7:00 P ABC
And so it comes down to this: the last game of Week 1 for the MMV Season is the Monday Nite Showdown in the Swamp. I can’t for the life of me figure out how FSU is picked by 3 for the odds makers –surely the site I got that info from was wrong! The Seminoles will be without Wyatt Sexton under center (Lyme Disease), play a hodge-podge O-line, and start two freshman receivers. Their only saving grace is their backfield combo of Booker and Washington –whom the Canes should be able to flood the holes for as the passing game isn’t going to be very good in Week 1. It won’t help matters any that Miami, on defense, will look a pro team –super fast, flying around, and hard hitting. Devon Hester will in all likelihood break a big one in the kicking game to keep his ‘Most Dangerous Return Man In Football’ crown going into this season. The Cane O is cause for a bit of concern –but only a bit. They are young in the skill positions, but anchored by vets on the line and once they start to gel, that should be about it for most defenses. Canes, and throw out that spread –it’s wrong I tell ya.

2004's Most Memorable Quotes

Ah, as we look forward to some expert commentation in the coming season, let us take a moment to reflect on some of the more memorable quotes from yester-year…

Just A Few To Get Us Started...
Nebraska is used to artificial turf –this is real grass, it’s going to take more of an adjustment for them than Pittsburgh.” –ABC, during the 1st quarter of the Nebraska-Pitt game AT Pitt.

“That’s right, he’s from the greater, southern New England vicinity.” --brought to you by those geniuses on the Deuce during the West Virginia game will expounding upon what a great recruiting team West Virginia is.

“Well, he was going to spike it, but instead he snuck it for the 1st down –oh wait, no, he did spike it. I guess they already had the 1st down.” --another gem by the Deuce crew. Seriously, can we just petition them to give me the mic and end the insanity.

“Oh, Whitehead just got popped! It’s like shooting Ducks out there, you gotta have your head on a swivel!” --um, yeah, whatever man. I’m still trying to get that mental picture of a Whitehead getting popped of out my head. ABC’s OU-Oregon coverage.

"Math’s not your strong suit there.” Terry 'Nope, still not his brother' Gannon on Brian Griese's in ability to add up yardage.

“After the game I apologized for underestimating them.” – Mack Brown on winning 52-35 after trailing 35-7 and predicting that they would win 42-35.


The Incalculable Brian Griese
"Here’s a naked Smith.” – It’s naked bootleg man, bootleg -big difference.

"A&M scored on its first 4 possessions. On their last 4, they’ve had 3 punts, one ended at half time, and an interception.” -Yep, it certianly is a tall mountain to climb to re-ejimacate analysts after they meet Jamal Anderson.

“There’s something not right with him.” -after Sooner Darrin Cody passed out on the side line and was forced off the field by his all 10 of his teammates that he was trying to line up with. Apparently, the young Cody was simply low on fluids and was able to return after a quick IV load.


The Incorrigible Bob Davie
“From what I understand, he has three older brothers, so that makes him the younger brother.” --From what I understand, you’re an idiot, so that makes you an idiot.

“The ball is loose. …still loose. …oh, nope. That’s a shoe.”

"Every now and then you short circuit with information processing overload” -Explaining why a WR dropped the pass despite having both mitts on it. Gee, I didn’t realize that catching balls was such a computationally draining exercise.

"Purdue is the empty backfield capital of the world” –that may be, but you’re the empty thought capitol of the world.

“He ran for three touchdown passes”. –ah, but how many rushing touchdowns did he throw for?

"No, I disagree. You don’t change a thing –you don’t make any adjustments. Orton got to see what the defense was going to do in that first half, he’ll be able to do what is needed in this second half. No adjustments: you don’t need to put another hat on [Erasmus] James or try to run the ball more.” –reason #356 Bob Davie doesn’t have a head coaching job. At least I was vindicated 12 seconds later when they interviewed Purdue Coach Joe Tiller and he said, “I told’em we’ve got to get another man over to block #90 [Erasmus James], even if it’s just to slow him up for a second. And we’ve got to run the ball more in this half, we didn’t run it nearly enough in the first half.”

“They’ve increased their pass offense production each year.” –oh, really? You must have graduated from that Jamal Anderson School of Math. The graphic read 282, 260, 507, 384 for yards passing by Tech against Texas in each of the previous four years.


The Immortal Jamal Anderson
“I think the Big12 is the toughest conference in this nation.” What other nation would we be comparing conferences with?

“Throw the football field down the football –oh, excuse me, throw the field down the football.” -And he gets paid to do this ladies and gentlemen, that’s the most painful part.

“He’s [Derrick Johnson] the best linebacker in the college football.” –I’d like to believe that you believe that, but just 10 minutes earlier you said, “He’s probably one of the best middle linebackers in the country.”


Now who could forget the great Fog Bowl Of Oh-Fo?
"It’s the only game in my career I wish I was a bat.” – yeah, mmmkay. At the beginning of the USC-OSU Fog Bowl on FSN.
“And the kick is away. Headed to the upman –I guess. I dunno, your guess is as good as mine.”
“And they’re moving backwards right now –looks like a penalty. I didn’t see a flag, but who would.”
“The pass is incomplete –at least I think it is. I dunno, but it looks like they’re lining up at the same spot.”


The most painful 30 seconds at halftime goes to...

Actually this was a toughie between Bob Davie's spread rushing attack explanation while also comparing leading with the helmet to attempted murder vs. the Game Day crew's wonderful Dissertation on a Brat. And with all the votes in, the winner goes to .....ESPN!

“Do you know what goes in a Brat?”
“Yes, of course I know what goes in a Brat –I’m still gonna eat it though.”
“Then you don’t know what goes in a Brat –if you knew, you wouldn’t eat it.”
“Alright gentlemen, I think everyone knows what goes in a brat.”
“Apparently not, cause if people knew –they wouldn’t eat them.”
“Do YOU know what goes in a brat?”

The enjoyment went on for several more seconds as nothing but dead air and blank stares emanated from the television set. Guys, this isn’t the cooking channel, so this year let’s just keep the discussion centered on sports, ok?


And The Overall Most Memorable Quote Of The Season goes to....
I must have added up the votes wrong, I can't believe this isn't going to the Deuce Crew: it's FSN during that excruciatingly painful 2 hour break while the Moron's Without Degrees in the studio try to read a weather radar and explain why the Wildcat-Badger game is being delayed (ironically, at the same time you start to give serious consideration to suicide by blunt force trauma).

“Well, as you can see…. Uh, the weather is pretty bad out there.”
“Yeah, that’s right …so they’ve decided to call a delay of game until it gets better.”
Several seconds of dead air pass before the infinite knowledge of the universe is channeled through them and into us:
“By the way, the yellow is worse than the green.”
“Is it?”
“I think so.”
“I did not know that.”

The Big 12 Preview

For the past several seasons, the Big 12 has been the sensational six and "that other division north of Normon". This year SportsFanz --expect more of the same.

The South Division
While perhaps not being quite as primed as in past seasons, the South is still loaded for Bear with each and every team (with the obvious exception of Baylor) more than capable of running away with the north division's crown. As for the Southern Crown, you have got to like the Longhorns chances of running the table. They've got their best returning 'team' yet; OU will be busy reloading; Tech, while incredibly dangerous is still just Tech; and Frenchy and the Ags have a couple more strides to take before shaking that second fiddle mold.


Texas
The Longhorns enter this season as the B12's favorite for the postseason hardware as they should finally get that Sooner monkey off their back. But if the Horns want to make a return visit to the Rose this year, there's a little something called a Buckeye that they will have to find there way around in Week 2. Oh, and if they do get past both the Buckeyes and Sooners there is always that Turkey Game agianst the Ags to worry about --and this year its in College Station where they'd just love to dash the Horns championship aspirations.

VY is absolutely the most electrifying player in the Big Dozen, but he still has to prove the Rose wasn't an accident --and that he doesn't commit at least 2 boneheaded plays in every game. Incedentally, I don't by the bad press about his passing skills --he's iffy with the long ball, but Tech efficient with the short routes (59% completion rate last year). Texas will have to find a reliable AND durable back to sled the rock, but that shouldn't be much of a problem behind the big hogs on the line (all returning starters). The defense should be even better than last season --all except for the linebacking crew that lost Derrick Johnson. That being said, they've got a dude by the name of Aaron Harris anchoring that crew --newsflash: he was the man blowing up Michigan in the Rose, not Johnson.

Special teams is always a near-disaster for Texas and should be even more so this year as they lose Wolverine-killer PK Dusty Magnum, but make no mistake about it: program-wise, this has to be the year the Longhorns push through. At the end of the season, VY will leave early and both lines will be decimated by the draft.


Texas Tech
The Red Raiders will be taking the field for the sixth time under coach Mike Leach and for the first time with some national recognition that the Raiders are more than just a gimicky O. In the Holiday last season, they silenced all the naysayers and Coaches Poll critics with a woodshedding of the Cal Bears. It was their third consecutive bowl romp in as many years, and served notice to the nation that the Red Raiders can 'hang' with just about anybody.

Unfortunately for the Texas Air Raid, they still play in the B12S division and will have to duke it out with OU, Texas, and A&M to play in a BCS game (maybe that's why their non-con schedule is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen). This year's edition will certainly be just as potent on offense with QB Cody Hodges, RB Taurean Henderson, and WR Jarrett Hicks. More than that though, the D will be their best unit in years with nearly all starters from the previous squad returning.

If Tech can keep from dropping a game they shouldn't (read that as a game against the B12N), they should be able to pull off the upset against at least one of the big three (UT, OU, A&M) and finish 9-2 en route to another blow out win in Bowl Season.


Texas A&M
In Franchione's third season, the Aggies will be looking to keep from regressing. Regressing, you ask?!? Yep, regressing. The defense, while full of hard hitters and sure tackles, still lacks that 'Wrecking Crew' mentality of old (save for that game against OU when they banged up all-word back Adrian Peterson). Their special teams play has been nothing special and they lost their primary return weapon last season. They have no proven go-to receiver, a secondary that was 93rd in the nation and is pushing young, unproven players into the starting slots, and an offensive line which, if it can't stay healthy, figures to be a patch work all season long.

That being said, A&M definitely has a few things going for them: Reggie McNeal is perhaps the most underrated QB in the nation, Courtney Lewis --while not being particularly flashy-- is the type of workman like back you can build a team around (if he stays healthy), and the defense is loaded with more talent (albeit very young talent) than at anytime in the past several years. If they can get past Clemson in the opener, they should go 8-0 prior to their roadtrip out to Lubbock. If they can beat Tech, the Big 12 Title will be deciding during a 10 day stretch as that's the number of days between their season ending games against OU and Texas --ouch!


Oklahoma
This should be the roughest year for OU since Stoops first took over --of course that isn't saying much is it? After getting whooped up on in the national championship game for the second time in as many years, ole'Stoopsie will have his work cut out for him getting this year's edition into championship form.

With the loss of QB White, several big time names on the defense (they have no returning starters in their secondary!), and their 3rd 'co-defensive coordinator' in as many seasons, the Sooners will definitely be looking to reload and get the season off on the right foot. With their opening three games at home against TCU and Tusla and then at UCLA, these Sooners are more than capable of doing just that and being ready to smoke some beef come Texas Fair time.

Adrian Peterson is going to be the key to this offense, that much is clear. What isn't clear is how well he can hold up. The offensive line is pretty much intact from last season, but opposing defenses will be hunting and hurting Peterson all game long. Last year, he looked unstoppable until the Wrecking Crew knocked him around and injured his shoulder. He had surgery on it in the off season and we'll just have to see how well he responds to the big target on his jersey (word has it Stoopsie is mighty upset with him for slacking off on his off-season workouts).

If they can get the Boomer Schooner whipped into shape early, then this year's tussle in Dallas could be of epic proportions. If they lose that one, look out for an end of season slide like we haven't seen in a long, long time: these guys have to close with @Nebraska, A&M, @Tech, and Beldam in Stillwater.


Oklahoma State
Mike Gundy takes over for the dearly departed Les Miles. While Miles had 'waiting for big time program to come talk to me' practically tatooed on his forehead, Gundy is a Cowboy thru-and-thru. If he can keep OSU competitive (read that as, in the mix for 3rd in the South), he should be coaching there for a long, long time.

This season, though, he'll have to deal with a secondary that has been ravaged by graduation, players breaking rules (and getting kicked off the team), and the death of their starting corner (Vernon Grant was killed in a car accident); an offense that has a wealth of talent but still only managed to rank 111th in the passing last year (LSU fans, you might want to take note of that); and a coaching staff that is in a lot of upheavel with the departure of Miles to LSU. On the bright side, they are installing a spread offense which should help take advantage of all that talent on O.

Consider this season a success if the Cowpokes can finish with 7 wins. Their opening three games are all laughers, as should be their season ender at Waco, so they'll just need to steal a game from another B12S opponent or sweep their north division games (Colorado, Missouri, and Iowa State).


The Badnews Bears
Guy Morriss returns for his 'three times a charm' season at Baylor. They are 6-17 during his tenure (only 2 conference victories in that whole bunch --one was the revenge game agsint the Aggies, anyone remember the other?). This season, they will be doing good if they can sneak a in single conference win to go along with supposed victories over SMU and Samford; otherwise, it'll be another long year in Waco were they end the season with a double digit skid.



The North Division
In the north, you've got a Cornhusker team that can't possibly be as bad as it was last year, a Colorado team that should be much improved over last season's adversity plagued squad, a Mizzou squad that very seriously could get over the hump and earn some serious Top 10 respectability, and a Cyclone squad that should have bottomed out.


Nebraska
Bill Callahan returns for another season at the helm of Big Red. Last season, the Bugeaters went 5-6 playing a schedule that was, well, not exactly difficult --and this season's schedule doesn't get any tougher. They kick it all off at home against D1AA Maine, then rip off home games against Wake Forest, Pitt, Iowa State, and Texas Tech. Their first road trip of the season is down to Waco, and of the remaining South opponents, they miss Texas while playing OU at home.

With a schedule that runs dangerously close to K-State standards, expect the Huskers to return to the post season, quite possibly by taking the North Crown. Their two games against Missouri (10/22) and Colorado (11/25) --both away games-- should tell the tale for the division. Expect their Corn Coast Offense to put up big numbers for at least the first half of the season as JUCO star Zac Taylor takes over the reigns under center. The infamous blackshirts should also be back --and then some.

With all of that in place, if the Huskers don't have a break out season (record wise), expect to hear a steady call for Callahan's head when December rolls around.


Colorado
Once again, Colorado is poised as the dark horse in the North. Last year, I was able to correctly peg them as such (probably my only successful dark horse pick!) and they eeked away with the division title. This year though, the rest of the north is wee-bit better and Colorado is definitely a wee-bit worse.

First, they'll have to find somebody to replace departed 10 year player Bobby Purify in the backfield, then they'll have to find someway to breath life into the worst secondary in the Big 12. Oh, and then of course there's the quarterback, Klatt. He's a senior this year and will have to make dramatic improvements over last season to keep the Buffs above .500. If Barnett can squeeze enough O out of his buffalos to get to midfield though, they should be able to get 3 points on the board 9 times out of ten. Why? A super-stud named Mason Crosby is poised to be the next best thing to come out of the Big12. Seriously folks, watch out for this guy, word has it that he 'warms up' by nailing 60 yarders up in Boulder.

It's a tough slate for Colorado this year, with a possible landmine in every single conference game and a non-conference schedule that features rival Colorado State, Miami, and New Mexico State. Out of the south, they face Texas, A&M and OSU --although only the A&M game is away-- so don't expect more than a single win there (if any). Consider it a success if Colorado can win 7 and a dream season if they take the north division.


Kansas State
Bill Synder returns for his 18th season at K-State. Last year, his Wildcats stumbled terribly down the stretch as the defense basically packed it in with that Fresno State game and never returned (KSU finished 4-7, last in the division). This season, they'll start over with a lot of young talent and probably a couple of true freshman getting a crack at the starting line up.

With their typical non-con schedule of Florida International, Marshall, and North Texas. The Wildcats have to be hoping that they can get gelling early --especially on offense with RB Thomas Clayton taking over the reigns for departed senior Darren Sproles. Once the non-con slate is over though, reality should set in quickly as they kick off the conference card at Norman. If K-State can get its act together, they should be able to make a run at the north division with a closing schedule that looks like Colorado, at Iowa State, at Nebraska, and Missouri.


Kansas
Of the dozen teams in the Big 12, Kansas gets this year's Screwed Schedule award. They get the pleasure of starting off their conference schedule with 3 out of 4 on the road and have the distinction of playing Texas, OU, and Tech in the south (Texas and Tech being away games). In Magnino's 4th season, he has fielded a solid unit that should be able to compete with all of the teams in their division. However, faced with that brutal schedule, don't expect the Jayhawks to remain competive in the north as the season unfolds.

Their defense is solid and largely intact from last season. The get an infusion of talent from a pair of JUCO transfers that should help them along the defensive line. On offense, JUCO WR Brian Murph is a speedster that should help stretch the defense if QB Barmann can effectively get the ball to him. Expect to hear the name Charles Gordon a lot if you catch any KU football --he's an ironman that led the nation in picks last season and figures to make a name for himself on offense and a punt returner.

If Mangino can't find a way to compete for the north title, don't be surpised if he's given the boot at the end of the year. His 12-24 record isn't exactly what the Jayhawks had in mind when they hired him, and the 8 rules violations in the football program that the NCAA found last season sure aren't the image Kansas wants to project to the rest of the country.


Missouri
The Tigers enter the 05 season with more weight on their shoulders than perhaps any other Big Dozen team. In 04, they were favorites to run away with the North title, but floundered in mediocrity, frittering away the crown. In the off season, players openly spoke about the 'unimaginative' play calling during the season, and then redshirt freshman Aaron O'Neal collapsed and died during a volunteer team workout. While that may all be a recipe for disaster, if the Black Hammers can pull together and rally around one another, it could also galvanize them into playing like a team possessed.

If the latter is the case, they will have to get more production of QB Brad Smith and speedster William Franklin. The two of them possess a world of talent that Coach Pinkel has to find a way to take advantage of. On Defense, the Mizzou should be just fine. They were a solid unit last season and didn't lose a single playmaker. With the addition of Va Alexander at LB and JUCO FS Darnell Terrell, this defense could be the best in the North.

With all that being said, we should find out October 1st, exactly where this Missouri team is going to fall. That's the date, they open their conference schedule: at home, against Texas. If they can win that one, or hang in it to the end, they should be in the driver's seat for the division title. They get Nebraska and Iowa State at home and miss Tech, A&M, and OU in the South.


Iowa State
If the Cyclones can stay healthy, they should be able to improve upon their 7-5 season last year and again challenge for the North title. If not, the season could turn against them dangerously fast as they are a very young team behind the 20 returning starters. The season will likely be thrust on the shoulder of QB Bret Meyer, last season's Independence Bowl MVP. He has the feet to give defenses nightmares on the ground, but unlike the other mobile quarterbacks in the B12, he doesn't have the accuracy with the arm to do quite as much damage. Last season, he completed just 40% of his passes --a number that he will have to really bump up if they want to keep defenses honest and win the north title.

In the backfield, helping take the pressure off Meyer, is probably the Big12's most unheralded back: Stevie Hicks. With a conference that graduated both Sproles and Benson, look for Hicks to start getting some good pub.

While beating Iowa in week number 2 isn't very realistic, winning at Nebraska to start October is --and would send shock waves across the division. If they win that one, it'll be a steady test for these redbirds as they face off against Missouri, OSU, A&M, K-state, Colorado, and Kansas. If they stumble down the stretch like last season though, they'll end up right back at that Independence Bowl.

The Mott's Preason Top 25

Well, the Coaches Poll just came out, so I guess that means I need to get my run down out there as well. Before we get to it, the truly diehard fan should know that CBS Sportsline has a clock on their webpage countdowning the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until the start of the college pigskin season: http://www.sportsline.com/collegefootball

Note: The Coaches Top 10 are as follows: USC, Texas, Tenn, Mich, OU, LSU, Va Tech, Miami, Ohio State, and Iowa.

My 'throw some milk out on the door step and see if the cat licks it up' Top 25 are as follows:

1 USC - Until somebody knocks them off, they sit on the throne.
2 Michigan - Look who nobody's talking about all of a sudden!
3 Texas - Last year's Rose pumps this ranking up --is it credible?
4 Tenn - Off season issues - Check. QB Controversy - Check. SEC title run - check.
5 Ohio State - Ted Ginn is just the tip of the iceberg, but how many weeks until the QB situation is worked out?
6 Iowa - They were unbelievable last year with walk on backs, can't wait to see what they do with healthy ones.
7 LSU - All the talent in the world, but now you've got a new coach --can he find that big, shiny red stick early?
8 Miami - Falling from grace? Is the new power blowing through the ACC a Hokie?
9 Oklahoma - Two steps back for Sooner Nation after dropping two straight bowls in blow outs.
10 Virginia Tech - If Vick is the real deal, this ranking is too low. If he isn't, the ACC race is full of contenders.
11 Georgia - Can they reload? Yes, but can they win the SEC?
12 Auburn - Can they reload? Yes, but how long will it take?
13 Arizona State - These guys are the ultimate wildcard. No trip to the desert is safe if they're involved.
14 Purdue - Offense should be fine, Defense should be monster. Also misses both Ohio State and Michigan
15 Texas A&M - Frenchy's got a shot at ruining a Miracle Longhorn Season.
16 Louisville - Better than last year, but then again who exactly did they play last year?
17 Florida - Urban gets swamped in his first year --can Leak really lead this team?
18 W Virginia - Lost all world KJ, but D should be great with all linemen (O and D) are returning.
19 Florida State - In a world of hurt this off season, plus they have to kick it off against Miami. Can grandpa hold them together?
20 Texas Tech - If they continue the momentum from last year's Holiday, they could easily compete for the conference crown.
21 Cal - If they continue the momentum from last year's Holiday, they could easily miss the post season.
22 Boise State - The Blue Turf reigns supreme --too bad they start off the season AT Georgia.
23 Bowling Green - With Omar Jacobs lining up under center, who else in the MAC are you gonna pick?
24 UTEP - Has any team reversed its fortunes more in the last 10 years? Price is indeed an arse, but the man can coach.
25 Navy - Sure, they won't end the season here, but you gotta give'em their props sometime.

Those Noteably Left Out In The Cold:
Utah - Lost a wealth of talent and their coach. Should win the M-West, but that isn't saying much.
Notre Dame - Enough talent and possibility to be a Top 10 team, but that schedule is sooo brutal.
S Carolina - The Visor returns --too bad his team has such little talent. .500 would be a great job here.
The Big 12 North - Nebraska, Colorado, Missouri. Take your pick. Any is a legite Top 25, but which one?
NC State - Monster D. Offense should be in better shape this year, but playing in the ACC won't make'em look pretty.